My Lost Va Va Voom, and Other Stories

As a child I was prone to verbal mishaps, mostly my mistakes were gently corrected, laughed at, or ignored. Denim became deminimum and aluminium became aluminiminimummmn. I avoided Birmingham and would often find myself steering the conversation towards Manchester. Like many children I had a problem with the Grand Prix, and with that well known car manufacturing firm...

It was a special occasion, friends and relatives were coming for Sunday tea; Mum had opened a fresh can of spam and had baked a Victoria sponge. She'd also done a salad and some other boring stuff featuring pineapple chunks, and half a grapefruit. As we sat around the dining table my Aunt began to tell us about her brand new car, she marvelled over its luxurious leather interior, and its faux wooden dashboard. I could see it through the window parked on our driveway - new, red and very shiny. I was most impressed. I sighed before asking loudly and enthusiastically, 'Dad, when are you going to get a big vulva like Auntie Pam's?'
Such a shame that my Uncle had just popped a pickled onion into his mouth, but at least his choking provided a welcome distraction.

Apologies! I have been poking around in the Scarlet Blue archives searching for my lost Va Va Voom! The above tale was originally from 2010.

Minimal Output

 I fear that I have become a minimalist. I am sparse with words; I am plain in my tastes; I like a simple existence. But I also like the occasional misplaced semi-colon to liven up my prose. 

On that note I now bring you a tiny minimal tale from my photo album featuring Mike, Heather, and Julia. I urge you to form your own narrative as I am far too lazy and minimal to do it for you.

I mean how pissed did they get to feel like they needed to apologise in a classified ad???? I will leave that with you.

Next Week: Surrealism via the medium of crayons.

It's Been Long Enough....

....since my last post for me to slap up something fresh and exciting. And, I have even redecorated for the occasion. I'd been wondering why I was so put off from using this Blogger blog and I think it was the theme; the colours; the vastness of it. I have now corrected all that bothers me about it.

So what have I been doing? Not a lot. Cleaning; reading; sorting through old family photographs; winning virtual garden competitions; finding ways to incorporate the semi-colon into my life, that sort of thing. And I have realised that I spend too much of my life planning and not doing, and I actually function better when I simply fling myself into something with no pre-planned direction. So here I am with a directionless post, but in the spirit of the 4fotos meme, invented by Mr Devine, I will share some of the most recent photos in my library, just to give you something to look at.

Firstly, a collage....

A garden pic....

Another collage...

And finally, my Auntie J. I don't think I asked enough questions about my Auntie J when I was child, and her image has left me pondering. She was a relative by marriage, and a much loved family member...I was sorting through the old photographs to see if I could use them for collage, so perhaps I was looking at these familiar pictures through a different lens. She was definitely a character!

Now, when I hit publish will my pictures go all blurry? Hope not.

Posted!

But the rest of this post is on Wordpress. Apologies.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR DEVINE!!!!

I wish I could write something witty and succinct for your big day, but I am very tired and my brain is mush. Also, I am too tired to battle with Blogger to upload Photos, or Youtubes, so maybe something will appear on my old blog - Wonky-Words. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOUNG MAN!!!! HAVE A BRILLIANT DAY!!!

It's New.....

As in it's a new post on my blog. I think we can be done with Christmas now.

2 weeks after my poor little dog died I had my own health scare - just to add salt to the major wound - thankfully nothing seems to be amiss and I am fine, not exactly out of the woods but at least standing by the side of them feeling relieved. So all good. I will now try to compose myself and bring some regularity to this blog space. 

Has anyone heard the latest release from Kim Wilde? Midnight Train - I love it!! It sounds more like eighties music than eighties music! Kind of a dollop of Gary Numan, a teaspoon of Blondie, with a pinch of The Vapours. Anyhow, if you haven't heard it here it is....

This week's values: Antediluvian; Exasperate; Nefarious; Necromancy

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

I know. I am late. But I am simply following the example set by Royal Mail, who have also been very late with the post. Pfffftttt.

 

Moving on..... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

 

It's proper cold out there, but finally some sun after all the Christmas mizzle. I will not be doing a review of 2024 as I am still sore from it. I will, however, confess that my highlight of 2024 was writing 10 days of blog posts. I will let this confession rest before I decide what to do with it.

Finally.....

 ....some better news! I am now a published author!!!! My wise words are now being spread far and wide courtesy of The Guardian online. Admittedly it is barely a paragraph and just about a sentence - but it has cheered me up.

 

The article in all its twinkly glory can be found here:- The Guardian.

Now that I am proper famous I am available for further paragraphs and sentences in other publications. Thank you.

Oh, and yes, it is true - my home is strewn with fairy lights from November until the end of March - they are really useful during power cuts caused by relentless storms. I truly am the wise woman of Devon.

Bad News

 Ack, my doggy, Sid, is dying - days rather than weeks. Bit of a shock. I will find a nice picture to slap up here at some point, but I can't do it now. Please excuse me whilst I step outside for a while.

From September....

.....I move to Blogger as I can no longer pay the rent at WordPress - cost of living blah, blah, blah and I would rather buy shoes. Or crisps. For now I bring you a fragment of something I'm working on. I will be back when I have finished it. And when I have recovered from my tremendous sulk.