I fear that I have become a minimalist. I am sparse with words; I am plain in my tastes; I like a simple existence. But I also like the occasional misplaced semi-colon to liven up my prose.
On that note I now bring you a tiny minimal tale from my photo album featuring Mike, Heather, and Julia. I urge you to form your own narrative as I am far too lazy and minimal to do it for you.
I mean how pissed did they get to feel like they needed to apologise in a classified ad???? I will leave that with you.
Next Week: Surrealism via the medium of crayons.
Whose hands are in his trousers? His own hands? Or Heather and Julia's? Or is he just happy to see them?
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon, Ms Mistress! I think Mike has everybody’s hands in his trousers, he seems to be that type of guy. Many hands make a happy heart, as the saying goes, etc.
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The girls are apologetic (via the classifieds??), but I think Mike needs to explain the trouser bulge ...
ReplyDeleteGood evening, Dinah - Indeed! I wonder what happened on that night out in Nairobi? Maybe they are apologising for turning part of a busy city into a quaint English village? Never apologise, never explain!
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I think they must have apologised because they were so pissed, they were supposed to be at a party in Newcastle, but ended up in Nairobi. Easy mistake to make. Jx
ReplyDeleteJon - It is isn’t it! Pity none of them learnt to read a map. Or maybe Mike hid the map down his trousers?
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Is Heather clutching a snarling dog?
ReplyDeleteMitzi. I think that’s just the print on her T-shirt? Well spotted!
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I wish Norma were here. She'd no doubt have the skinny on the whole story.
ReplyDeleteMistress M - Norma was probably there.
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And what exactly was the behaviour they're apologising for? Stripping naked? Puking on the carpet? Smashing the windows?
ReplyDeleteNick - Drinking a bar dry without paying; Mike flashing his firm arse out of cab window; and Heather releasing her breasts up the High Street? That sort of thing, perhaps. Julia looks far too sweet to have been involved. She probably went home early for a mug of hot chocolate.
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Well, clearly Mike is a lifesize ventriloquist's dummy controlled by Heather and Julia via a series of knobs and levers accessed through his trouser pockets. The girls use him as a scapegoat for their frequent antisocial drinking benders - the latest of which found them in Nairobi National Park aboard a crashed hovercraft stolen from the Hovertravel terminal on the Isle of Wight.
ReplyDeleteTo prevent an international incident, Hovertravel took out the ad on behalf of "Mike", Heather and Julia, and installed padlocks on the minibars of all their hovercraft to be used when the bars are unstaffed.
Congratulations, Mr Devine!!!! You have won this week's outstanding narrative award, otherwise known as a TWONA. I will be sending your prize shortly. Well done!!!
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Actually I might just shorten that to a WON award.
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Oh, I won! I won a WON!! How many hundreds of thousands of pounds is the prize fund, perchance?
DeleteEr....you will have to wait and see!!
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Bravo, Mr. DeVice! Your theory sounds quite plausible, I must say.
ReplyDeleteI thought so too!
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Thank you, Very Mistress. My theory sounds plausible because it is true. Heather and Julia are livid, though, and have vowed revenge because they think I promised not to tell (but I had my fingers crossed behind my back)!
DeleteWise move, Mr Devine! Always best to have everything crossed!
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Outstanding narratives could be more fun than the Write Panic. (Even if there isn't any money in the pot.)
ReplyDeleteI agree, Dinah! I am working on it.
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